a kaitlyn update

Vanessa, Kendra, Sarah, me, and Jess at the Tigers game Friday night!

This past week was the first week on the normal schedule that I will have the rest of the semester. It was busy! Busy in a good way, though, it will just take me a little while to get used to it. I was blessed to have a very relaxing summer. Most of the time I didn't start work until 4, and I usually got at least 3 days off a week. It was so good for me to have that time. It was precious time to spend with my family, to be still and seek God, and to rest. Even though I'm busy here, I'm determined to make time to be still and rest. My dad and aunt Linda have really taught me the importance of rest and that it is okay - no, it is good - to say no to opportunities to do things and to take time for myself. They are wise people:) Now that I have my own room, there's always a place for me to retreat and be alone. It is so good for my soul.

This week I started my placement in a 5th grade classroom at an elementary school here. I am in a class called "Michigan Mentorship," and we earn 4 credits for mentoring students who are at risk or having a difficult time in school. This semester, I will spend 8 hours a week in a 5th grade class, and I love it already. A friend asked me why I love it so much and it's hard for me to put into words. I'm just happy when I'm with those kids, whether it's observing them while they learn, helping them with their math, or eating lunch with them. The funny thing is, I'm learning things myself in 5th grade! I mean, do any of you remember what prime factorization is? Because I definitely did not. The teacher is also a really, really cool guy in his 50's. He's loud and outgoing, and at first I was a little intimidated, but after observing for a week I think he's awesome. He's laidback and jokes around with the kids, yet also commands their attention and respect and has control over his classroom.

Overall, life is good here, so much better than last year. Last year I struggled deeply with fear and anxiety - my mind was just a mess (a hot mess). I feel so much more freedom now. I still struggle with anxiety, I probably always will. I just have a deeper sense of God's love and grace and I know that will never change, and I find freedom in that. Please pray that I will continue to feel freedom in God to be myself. With my family this summer, I feel like the real me came out. With my family, I can be my true self because they're going to love me and support me even if I go make a million stupid decisions and mess my life up completely. Having their unconditional acceptance took away the fears I had of myself. In high school, I messed up a lot (I was not as perfect as anyone thought) and in college, I started trying to be the "perfect Christian" by doing everything with my church. I thought if I followed all the 'rules', led a Bible study, went to every meeting possible, only hung out with Christians, and got advice about every little issue in my life, then I would be fine and wouldn't mess up again. The problem: that is legalism.. and Jesus is totally against legalism. The other problem: that is not living in freedom. The way I was living last year, I was pretty much telling God that I didn't need grace because I was going to be perfect on my own. But if we could be perfect on our own, Jesus wouldn't have had to die. I am finding so much freedom in admitting I'm a sinner in need of grace and love, but I have to remind myself of it all the time and I still forget a lot. And Satan still attacks, telling me that if I'm myself I will fail and that I do not really even believe in God, but I recognize those are lies and I try to fight them with the truth I know. Anyway - thank you mom and dad for mirroring God's unconditional acceptance of me, because the way you let me come alive and be myself has shown me how God does the same. I love that God wants me to be myself, to follow the dreams and passions on my heart, because those were give by Him. So awesome!!

Welp.. that was longer and deeper than I planned but.. that's me! I hope you all have had a really fun time in Rochelle. I wish I could have been there!

Dad, mom, N, T, J - can't wait to see you guys on Friday!! It will be awesome.

~Kaitlyn~